Been A While

There's no excuse as to why I haven't been doing this, other than sloth. Today I feel gigantic and I needed to talk about it and my skinny hubby doesn't get it. At the moment it hurts to bend at the waist while sitting. It feels like all the fat is pushing in on itself and it's hard to breath. I've also noticed that sitting on my side hurts b/c the "back fat" somehow pushes on my rib cage. I'm not that large, this is very distressing. I have to hold my belly fat and pull it away from my body to get relief. Laying on my stomach helps too.

Today was cookie day at work. I had 3. One in the AM and two in the afternoon. Tomorrow is a Buffet lunch at work for a coworkers going away party. I'm excited b/c the sushi there is relatively good and it's a BUFFET! Also, there are not many calories to sushi, so I can fill up on that and then have the chinese food after.

I've been going to yoga every other week. I enjoy stretching. The other week though I hurt my shoulder and so I didn't want to push it so I didn't go this week (also I had to work late). Can you see the trend in excuses? Anyway, usually I go to the stretch yoga class and last time it was some other kind where I actually worked my Psoas muscle (the one that is atrophied and causing all sorts of problems with my back, butt and posture). I wish I had more money so I could go twice a week. *sigh*

On another note, we are trying to get out of debt (i.e. student loans) so we are on a monthly budget which I enjoy doing. However, things are slow at work, so we are hoarding our money just in case I get really slow. Although I've had and influx of work in the last two days. So I'm at the point where I have paid off the second of my 6 student loans, but I can't send the money in until I know things are good at work. We are doing the debt snowball (paying down the smallest debt first to the biggest) but hubby wants the next loan to be my biggest b/c the interest rate is more. While I understand where he's coming from the satisfaction of paying them lowest to highest means quicker gratification. I don't want to wait 8 months to celebrate the next loan payoff. We are at an impasse.

Speaking of impasses, when Dan and I have an argument, we never resolve it, we just agree to disagree b/c neither of us wants to give up our stance. This is not good, because sometimes the same argument comes up again and again. We are both so stubborn. Like with the debt snowball, I completely disagree with him but I'm doing it to make him happy. Hmmm...this blog is more of a rant today. I just needed to get some stuff off my chest (rather incoherently if I might add).

Donuts

Bob bought donuts at about 1 pm. A dozen regular ones and a whole box of donut holes. Do we really need a whole box of donut holes for 6 people? That is approximately 2 donuts and 8 holes a person. OMG! I can most definitely tell you I ate my share. I feel sick physically and mentally. Something about the combination of rainy weather and stress this week has not been good! I need sunshine!

Speaking of stress, Dan and I have been doing the Dave Ramsey Total Money Makeover and are about to pay off the second of my 6 student loans. This is also stressful, because we have to budget and things keep popping up like Dan's radiator. We spent 400 on new tires last month and this month we have to spend 300 on the new radiator. That was 300 that was going to go to the loans to stay on our two year payoff schedule. Next month I wanted to get new struts on my car, we may have to postpone that...

Back to food. I have started "paying the pig" at work to get frozen treats (the pig is a piggy bank in the fridge to pay for food we use). I have had up to 3 of these a day and it's definitely a binge because of the feeling of needing more. There is absolutely to need for more, but there is a screaming want inside that will not be denied. It pretty much is a constant screaming of "MMMOOOooooorrreeee! NNNoooowww!". If I had ever been high before I would say I needed a fix. I don't care what the scientists say, food (sugar) can be an addiction. What do skinny scientists know anyway? No offense all of my scientist friends.

Cupcake Fun

These are sheep cupcakes I made for my friend Hillary's Bridal Shower. She loves sheep. Their heads are circus peanuts dipped in chocolate and they are covered in coconut for a furry look. Michelle helped me with these. She had oodles of great ideas.

I made this cake for my Mom's birthday (That's my mom on the left). The cupcakes are her dogs Jack and Bella. When I first started the cupacakes i thought they looked more like bears, but they turned out alright.

This is me in Moon over Buffalo. I played Roz Hay and kicked ass!

Here is the cast (The husband is next to me on the right) It was a fabulous show, with hilarious writing and the nicest cast. Can't wait until the cast party!

Fun Pictures

Here are the pictures I've been promising of the candy. Overall I counted about 3000 calories from one week at work. It's mind boggling and also absolutely ridiculous!

This is the full pile that was in my zip lock bag.

Spread out over five days it looks like even more.

Spread out over a day it's not as bad. I usually grab 2 or 3 at  time and then bring them down to my desk to eat. It's not until it's all together (like wrappers in the trash can) that you really notice the amount. 

Hiatus

I've been gone for a while. I did however finish my experiment. Wait until you see the pictures! I had over 3,000 calories in the bag! I also lost a lot of weight that week (this could also be because I was sick). I've also been up to some cool food things. I made cupcakes for my friend's bridal shower. They are sheep. Then I made my mother's birthday cake. It has cupcakes on the top of it that look like their dogs Jack and Bella. At work, I've been stashing the majority of the candy that I want to eat in a drawer at work. That is going well. It's the random incidentals that are the problems. I had four cookies today. They were soft and melty. Double chocolate chip. Yummers! I, of course, was then not hungry for lunch, but started to get a headache from the sugar so ate lunch anyways. Tonight we are having pizza. We (My husband and I) are in a show called Moon Over Buffalo. This is show week, so we are out late every night and have no time for dinner. Yesterday we used the slow cooker, that worked well. However tonight we will eat pizza that the Director (my Mother-in-law) is picking up. It will probably be from Nashua House of Pizza and taste spectacular. Well, I'm off to rehearsal (first night of full makeup and costumes). I'll be posting those pictures soon!

Peanut M&Ms

I slept in until 9:30, but it was a restful sleep, the first since last Friday. I feel OK today, besides the aching teeth, headache and coughing. The body aching is gone (thank goodness). I got into work at 11 am and went straight into a project for a coworker. It wasn't as hard to concentrate as it was on Tuesday, I could actually form thoughts and articulate them. So, on to food... I had leftover pizza for lunch, I had sauteed bacon, green peppers and onions and put them on a BBQ pizza. Fan-freakin-tastic! I was definitely not feeling the candy vibe in the morning, it's partly because I can't taste anything at all besides salt and sweet and they have to be strong. However, after lunch I began to want candy, now that I think of it, it was stress related, a coworker needs me to do some work for him and it's stressing me out b/c I have my own work that needs to get done and I feel like he should learn to do stuff for himself! But I digress, I was a little stressed so some of the candy made it's way into the bag, so I'll guess we will count today as a day in the experiment. We had a coordination meeting at 3 and Bob stuck a bowl of Peanut M&Ms in my face. If they had just been a little farther away... Aaaarrrrg! I believe I ate about 3 handfuls...sigh.

The Flu

So you may be wondering why I haven't posted anything in three days. It's not because I have lost interest, it's because I have the flu. The kind of flu I've never had before, one where you can't get out of bed, your nerve endings all over your body are sensitive and there is a headache that will not go away, all along with the usual hacking cough and nose blowing. Sunday I barely got out of bed, Monday I barely got off the couch and yesterday I made it into work and had rehearsal for a show, which I am now paying for by feeling like I did on Monday. I need to go into work though because I do not get sick time and we need the money. But I am not going to be affective... this sucks.  Other than being sick  I did really well with food. I had only four oreo cookies at work yesterday and considering  how I normally crave sweets when I'm sick, I consider that an accomplishment. I've been having a lot of soup, but what I really want right now is something hard to chew, my teeth ALL hurt! I feel like I'm teething! Egads! So, I have decided to extend my "week" long experiment to accommodate my sickness. It will not start up again until I feel better. I will keep you updated...

Real World Test

This is the first weekend of the experiment. I was not sure how it would go.  Last night I took the dog for a walk by myself and it was freezing. When we got back I was coughing and had fluid in my lungs. So weird. This morning my husband made french toast and I had three pieces. Lunch was soup at 1130 because we were heeding down to our friends house to help them paint (On the way there I started feeling flu-ey with aches. All the hair on my arms and legs were sensitive). Once we got there I was of course hungry again. I ended up having two Kashi granola bars and two individual size bags of Sunchips and an apple. That was not the best use of calories... However I did pass up a giant crunch bar. Dinner involved a fabulous little restaurant called Maya Sol. My husband and I shared a delicious steak quesadilla with the works and fried plantains as a side. Of course I neglected to bring my camera to take pictures to post :). That's hard for me to do, take pictures. I've also noticed I don't seem to see my friends as much as I'd like. I think I'm a little depressed about my size and having no money to buy clothes that fit better. I should really make something, but I hate knowing all the flaws in the clothes that I make. I am really good at making excuses. I need to get up off my butt and do something. One separate note, it was a beautiful day outside and it reminds me that we can finish painting the house soon. Yay!

The Evidence

Here are some pictures I took this week at work and at home. Most are bad foods, some are good. I do have to keep the morale up around here.

The Oreos. Dreaded and tasty...

OK, this picture make the pizza look disgusting, but I assure you, the steak tips are of the highest quality!

I'll be showing my healthy choices too. You may ask yourself...That looks like a dressing that is high in calories. The answer would be yes it is, but it is one serving.

Honey tangerine. I have fruit every day. I always have apple then my second fruit is usually a clementine or a plum/pluot.

Ah breakfast! Kashi keeps me full from 7 to 10 am.

Pizza

The road to hell is paved with good intentions. This saying has always driven me crazy. Now that I'm older I think I understand it better. I intended to be good today. Unfortunately pizza was ordered by my boss for lunch and we are not talking about ordinary Domino's pizza. We are talking about gourmet pizza. Chicken with jalapenos and bbq sauce. Whole steak tips and cheese. It's amazing! I had a strategy though and I thought all would turn out well, but it did not. I ate my yogurt and granola right before the pizza. Like the red neck jokes go "You know you have a (eating problem) when..."you eat two pieces of pizza (one of each kind and they are large) and you were full after the yogurt. My strategy to keep the candy away by stashing it, doesn't work with pizza. It also does not work with oreo cookies. I found a container on the break room table this morning. I had 3. They were spread throughout the day, but still I knew better and it briefly crossed my mind that I could have put them in my candy bag, but I didn't. Why didn't I? Why does that little devil voice have so much control over me? Why do parts of my mind rejoice, weep and go numb all at the same time? During a weekly staff meeting a giant bag of peanut butter m&ms came out. I put them in my pocket without at issue. That was good. It's getting easier to look at candy right in front of me and not salivate. Small steps they say... small steps.

Week Long Experiment

I've been trying to lose weight since the end of college. It's been a struggle and I've had my ups and downs (literally). I have been to a psychologist, nutritionist and I did Weight Watchers for 4 years. I had gained weight my senior year of college when I moved off campus and enjoyed ordering in with friends. My first real job (where I still work) has candy. Not crappy candy, but Snickers and Twix and Krackels etc... This has been a nightmare. I can't even count how much candy I've had the last five and a half years. It's gotten worse since we downsized and the candy is right down the hall. I need an outlet; a way to talk about it and keep myself from gaining more weight, so I have started this blog. It's really just for me to ramble on about me. Me and my horrible writing skills.
I decided yesterday to photograph all the food I eat and post some of it to show myself I'm doing well. I have also decided I will not eat any more candy. How will she do this you ask? How, when a psychologist, nutritionist and WW could not? The answer is simple. I will take the candy back to my desk, any amount I want, and then put it in a giant ziploc bag. It sounds so silly, but the thrill I get when I grab the candy is what I love. The anticipation.  I have been doing this for two days now and It's working great. I ate only one Snickers on the first day.
It is never a matter of hunger, I always have healthy snacks. I can actually see the candy piling up in the bag I keep in my lunch tote. My Week Long Experiment is to discover how much candy I normally eat in a five day work week. I will take a picture of the whole stash, then divide it into five piles to represent days and then into groupings of 2-4 (the number of snack size candies I normally eat at once). It will be interesting to see what happens.