Peanut M&Ms

I slept in until 9:30, but it was a restful sleep, the first since last Friday. I feel OK today, besides the aching teeth, headache and coughing. The body aching is gone (thank goodness). I got into work at 11 am and went straight into a project for a coworker. It wasn't as hard to concentrate as it was on Tuesday, I could actually form thoughts and articulate them. So, on to food... I had leftover pizza for lunch, I had sauteed bacon, green peppers and onions and put them on a BBQ pizza. Fan-freakin-tastic! I was definitely not feeling the candy vibe in the morning, it's partly because I can't taste anything at all besides salt and sweet and they have to be strong. However, after lunch I began to want candy, now that I think of it, it was stress related, a coworker needs me to do some work for him and it's stressing me out b/c I have my own work that needs to get done and I feel like he should learn to do stuff for himself! But I digress, I was a little stressed so some of the candy made it's way into the bag, so I'll guess we will count today as a day in the experiment. We had a coordination meeting at 3 and Bob stuck a bowl of Peanut M&Ms in my face. If they had just been a little farther away... Aaaarrrrg! I believe I ate about 3 handfuls...sigh.

The Flu

So you may be wondering why I haven't posted anything in three days. It's not because I have lost interest, it's because I have the flu. The kind of flu I've never had before, one where you can't get out of bed, your nerve endings all over your body are sensitive and there is a headache that will not go away, all along with the usual hacking cough and nose blowing. Sunday I barely got out of bed, Monday I barely got off the couch and yesterday I made it into work and had rehearsal for a show, which I am now paying for by feeling like I did on Monday. I need to go into work though because I do not get sick time and we need the money. But I am not going to be affective... this sucks.  Other than being sick  I did really well with food. I had only four oreo cookies at work yesterday and considering  how I normally crave sweets when I'm sick, I consider that an accomplishment. I've been having a lot of soup, but what I really want right now is something hard to chew, my teeth ALL hurt! I feel like I'm teething! Egads! So, I have decided to extend my "week" long experiment to accommodate my sickness. It will not start up again until I feel better. I will keep you updated...

Real World Test

This is the first weekend of the experiment. I was not sure how it would go.  Last night I took the dog for a walk by myself and it was freezing. When we got back I was coughing and had fluid in my lungs. So weird. This morning my husband made french toast and I had three pieces. Lunch was soup at 1130 because we were heeding down to our friends house to help them paint (On the way there I started feeling flu-ey with aches. All the hair on my arms and legs were sensitive). Once we got there I was of course hungry again. I ended up having two Kashi granola bars and two individual size bags of Sunchips and an apple. That was not the best use of calories... However I did pass up a giant crunch bar. Dinner involved a fabulous little restaurant called Maya Sol. My husband and I shared a delicious steak quesadilla with the works and fried plantains as a side. Of course I neglected to bring my camera to take pictures to post :). That's hard for me to do, take pictures. I've also noticed I don't seem to see my friends as much as I'd like. I think I'm a little depressed about my size and having no money to buy clothes that fit better. I should really make something, but I hate knowing all the flaws in the clothes that I make. I am really good at making excuses. I need to get up off my butt and do something. One separate note, it was a beautiful day outside and it reminds me that we can finish painting the house soon. Yay!

The Evidence

Here are some pictures I took this week at work and at home. Most are bad foods, some are good. I do have to keep the morale up around here.

The Oreos. Dreaded and tasty...

OK, this picture make the pizza look disgusting, but I assure you, the steak tips are of the highest quality!

I'll be showing my healthy choices too. You may ask yourself...That looks like a dressing that is high in calories. The answer would be yes it is, but it is one serving.

Honey tangerine. I have fruit every day. I always have apple then my second fruit is usually a clementine or a plum/pluot.

Ah breakfast! Kashi keeps me full from 7 to 10 am.

Pizza

The road to hell is paved with good intentions. This saying has always driven me crazy. Now that I'm older I think I understand it better. I intended to be good today. Unfortunately pizza was ordered by my boss for lunch and we are not talking about ordinary Domino's pizza. We are talking about gourmet pizza. Chicken with jalapenos and bbq sauce. Whole steak tips and cheese. It's amazing! I had a strategy though and I thought all would turn out well, but it did not. I ate my yogurt and granola right before the pizza. Like the red neck jokes go "You know you have a (eating problem) when..."you eat two pieces of pizza (one of each kind and they are large) and you were full after the yogurt. My strategy to keep the candy away by stashing it, doesn't work with pizza. It also does not work with oreo cookies. I found a container on the break room table this morning. I had 3. They were spread throughout the day, but still I knew better and it briefly crossed my mind that I could have put them in my candy bag, but I didn't. Why didn't I? Why does that little devil voice have so much control over me? Why do parts of my mind rejoice, weep and go numb all at the same time? During a weekly staff meeting a giant bag of peanut butter m&ms came out. I put them in my pocket without at issue. That was good. It's getting easier to look at candy right in front of me and not salivate. Small steps they say... small steps.

Week Long Experiment

I've been trying to lose weight since the end of college. It's been a struggle and I've had my ups and downs (literally). I have been to a psychologist, nutritionist and I did Weight Watchers for 4 years. I had gained weight my senior year of college when I moved off campus and enjoyed ordering in with friends. My first real job (where I still work) has candy. Not crappy candy, but Snickers and Twix and Krackels etc... This has been a nightmare. I can't even count how much candy I've had the last five and a half years. It's gotten worse since we downsized and the candy is right down the hall. I need an outlet; a way to talk about it and keep myself from gaining more weight, so I have started this blog. It's really just for me to ramble on about me. Me and my horrible writing skills.
I decided yesterday to photograph all the food I eat and post some of it to show myself I'm doing well. I have also decided I will not eat any more candy. How will she do this you ask? How, when a psychologist, nutritionist and WW could not? The answer is simple. I will take the candy back to my desk, any amount I want, and then put it in a giant ziploc bag. It sounds so silly, but the thrill I get when I grab the candy is what I love. The anticipation.  I have been doing this for two days now and It's working great. I ate only one Snickers on the first day.
It is never a matter of hunger, I always have healthy snacks. I can actually see the candy piling up in the bag I keep in my lunch tote. My Week Long Experiment is to discover how much candy I normally eat in a five day work week. I will take a picture of the whole stash, then divide it into five piles to represent days and then into groupings of 2-4 (the number of snack size candies I normally eat at once). It will be interesting to see what happens.